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How do you show yourself love, kindness, and compassion?
This is the question I’ve been asking readers in our most recent giveaway—and it’s a question I’m deeply exploring for myself as well.
After more than 50 years of life experience, here’s what I’ve learned: no matter how hard we try, beating ourselves into transformation doesn’t work. It just won’t.
Table of Contents
- Why Self-Love Matters More Than Self-Criticism for Weight Loss
- Overcoming Perfectionism to Embrace Self-Compassion
- How I Practice Self-Compassion in Everyday Life
- Two Simple Techniques to Build Self-Compassion for Weight Loss Success
- Additional Resources for Building Self Compassion
- Related Weight Loss Resources on Simple Nourished Living
Why Self-Love Matters More Than Self-Criticism for Weight Loss
Lasting, meaningful change requires big doses of love, kindness, and compassion—not harsh self-judgment.
If you struggle with food and weight, you already know the heart of the struggle isn’t really the food—it’s often how we feel about ourselves.
Hating yourself won’t make you slimmer. It’s impossible to hate yourself thin.
Extreme self-criticism only leads to frustration, defeat, and burnout.
The only real path to lasting weight loss and wellness is learning to love yourself right where you are. There is no shortcut.
You have to stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t and start appreciating yourself for everything you are. That’s why in Day 2 of Slow & Steady Weight Loss we write ourselves a love letter.
Overcoming Perfectionism to Embrace Self-Compassion
For most of my life, perfectionism held me captive. I worked hard to avoid looking less than “just right.” But striving for perfection only confines us and keeps us from living happy, healthy lives.
True growth comes when we’re willing to risk mistakes and expose our vulnerabilities.
We must stop expecting perfection and learn to accept and enjoy ourselves despite our imperfections.
So I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I allow myself to try new things, experiment, make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or even look goofy. It’s scary—but it’s worth it.
How I Practice Self-Compassion in Everyday Life
One example: I’ve stopped sneaking food. Instead, I give myself permission to eat what I want openly—no guilt, no shame.
When I want a spoonful or two of ice cream before bed, I call out loud, “I’m having a spoonful of ice cream! Anyone want some?” Sometimes my husband joins me, sometimes not. Then I savor the cold, sweet creaminess fully—without remorse.
This kind of kindness toward myself is a game changer in my journey toward lasting weight loss.
Two Simple Techniques to Build Self-Compassion for Weight Loss Success
1. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
What would you say to a friend who is struggling or facing a setback? How would you say it? Now compare that to how you speak to yourself. Start talking to yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you would offer a friend.
2. Write a Compassionate Note to Yourself
Find 10-15 uninterrupted minutes in a quiet space. Write to yourself as if you were a close friend who loves and accepts you just as you are. Acknowledge your struggles and setbacks as a normal part of life. Reflect on positive, supportive things you can do to feel happier and healthier.
Additional Resources for Building Self Compassion
- The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer
- Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity, and Joy by Shauna Shapiro
- Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive by Kristin Neff
Related Weight Loss Resources on Simple Nourished Living
- Motivational/Inspirational Quotes for Weight Loss
- The Power of Positive Thinking for Weight Loss
- To Lose Weight Stop Stressing About It
- 2 Tips on Letting Go of Perfectionism
- Learning to Like Yourself: The foundation of Weight Loss Success
- Why Humility and Kindness are Critical to Lasting Weight Loss Success
I walk with my dog, Marty everyday. I have lost 32 lbs. and exercise is a big factor. I knew I had lost weight by clothes and the scale but I couldn’t tell by looking in the mirror. I had to have my drivers license renewed and I compared pictures. Boy could I see it then. I tried on my bathing suit and no I’m not where I want to be but it didn’t look bad. I’m beginning to accept myself and be content.
I have thick hair! So a couple times a week I will go get it washed and blow dried! I takes me over a hour and a half to do it myself !
I make sure I walk with a friend a few times a week!
I love this topic! I too, experience perfectionist thinking. If I don’t track every bite or meal, don’t exercise every day, don’t stay away from “bad” foods, then why bother at all? I have had a rough couple of months and even cancelled my WW’s membership. At almost 61 and my umpteenth time with WW’s, what I finally get is my biggest obstacle is what’s between my ears. My thinking and how I treat myself directly influence what that scale does. Practicing the Golden Rule on myself takes concerted effort, but I am worth it. It all starts with me and loving myself. Doing this first, allows me to make better, healthier choices. I didn’t quit WW’s. I was reminded of something I found a year ago… “If I quit now, I’ll soon be back to where I started. And when I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now.”
Wow, Patricia, what great awareness! We can be our own worst enemy or best ally depending on what’s going on between our ears!
Martha, I am trying to contact you because I won the Kindle, but have been unable to get through to you via prizes simply nourished living so will try this, hope it works. Judy
Hi Judy, Got it. I’ve forwarded your comment to Peter who will be in touch to make arrangements to ship
you your Kindle. Congrats!
Thank you for this post. I have been having a hard time making myself first. I loved reading what other ladies were doing and will work, one day at a time, toward making me important.
I try to exercise each day to give me more energy and it gives me something to look forward to. I especially like to take my grandsons for a walk! They are the light of my life!
you know I am still learning how to and I am terrible at it which is why I would like to win this and talk myself into joining and committing to Weight Watchers
I like to sit down a some point during the day, preferably in the afternoon and read for awhile. I am a morning person so like to do my necessary work in the a.m. and relax more in the afternoon.
I try every day to find one thing about myself that I like about myself and one thing I am grateful for, today I am focused not on the limitations of my body but rather my ability to take a walk. Today I have reminded myself that although I have health issues, thus the weight gain, I a still grateful that I can still celebrate small successes.