We went on vacation recently for two weeks visiting London, Paris and the English seaside. It's was wonderful.
At dinner one night I asked Rod what had been his best and worst meals of the trip. It's always fun for me to get his take because he doesn't relate to food the way I do. He's so ambivalent about it for the most part. Though he did express a preference for British cakes over scones 🙂
We have eaten everything from pre-packaged sandwiches on a picnic table at the ocean to an unforgettable multi course lunch in a Michelin starred restaurant (Thank you Peter and Neal).
And we agreed on what what was best (The Grand Vefour) and worst (pre-packaged crab sandwiches). But what I failed to say, and woke up this morning remembering, was that even the worst meal with the right company (Rod, Rev, Tim, and Jack) is preferable to the best meal on the planet with the wrong people.
I am a bit fussy about my food. I admit it. I have only so many calories (or points plus) to spend a day and I hate to waste them on bad food. But these days, after a bad meal I quickly get over it and think oh well, "I'll eat again in a few hours and hopefully it will be better," remembering how fortunate I am to have an abundant life where I've never known real hunger.
But who you're eating with and how you feel when you are with them trumps what you're eating every time. Sometimes I forget that since I have the good fortune of eating almost exclusively with those I love.
It wasn't always that way. For years I was caught in relationships and situations that caused me to eat with people that made me feel bad about myself or uncomfortable in some way, less than, nervous, self conscious. And since I wasn't strong enough to change my situation, I elevated the importance of the food, giving it top billing in my life. It was my primary source of joy and entertainment.
So a less than stellar meal left me miserable and deeply disappointed. It would quite literally ruin my day. I had given over my power to my food. Which is crazy and destructive. And leads to eating too much too often in a futile attempt to improve your mood and situation.
But now, thankfully, I have moved food down into its proper position. It no longer gets top billing. That's reserved for my relationships, my work, good books, fun activities and other forms of self care that "fill me up."
Are you someone who rates your best and worst meals? Are you disappointed when your food is less than delicious?
Are you prone to placing too much importance on your food or not enough? What are the consequences?
I'd love to know your thoughts.
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Sherrie
Your words resonate deep inside of me as you are describing my life and relationship with food. I have also given food my power -- it is usually my source of comfort and entertainment. I do enjoy cooking, baking and eating a delicious meal with family and friends, yet I also get on that roller coaster of indulgence, regret, dieting ... I have been trying to break this cycle for YEARS. I am 48 years old and have spent most of those years as a disordered eater. I lost 30 pounds years ago with Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and have maintained it, but not without the roller coaster ride. I LOVE your website and wisdom -- you always inspire me as well as give me hope and tools to become a mindful eater which is my ultimate goal. Thank you!
Martha McKinnon
Hi Sherri,
Thanks for sharing your history with me. It means a lot. The vicious cycle of disordered eating can be exhausting but there is relief. I love the saying, "What you practice you become." So, just keep "practicing" the way you want things to be and eventually they will be! For me, it was a lot of self-acceptance combined with finding ways to make a game of it. In some ways I think I tricked myself into a slim and healthy way of life by adopting safety mechanisms like smaller dishes for when I slip back into mindlessness! Know that I'm here for you!!
oolala53
Ah, me. I am grappling a bit now with the fact that though I actually do basically have eating handled,- not the thinnest I could be, but eating with JOY mostly good quality food in very reasonable amounts- I still think about the issue a lot. But I think it's more from the standpoint that I am convinced so much of the weight loss industry is focused on the wrong end of things. You bring up a central issue: what will you put your attention on when you're not obsessed with eating or not eating? Where will the pleasure, pride, and peace come from? I'm sure that many people struggle because it turns out that food IS the easy part. Working towards the balance of seeing the good in what I already have and whittling around the edges of the tender spots is way harder than eating moderately a few times and getting in a good walk plus a few minutes of movement mania a day.
You are very right that you are lucky, though I don't doubt you had to do something for it, to have enjoyable people you eat with. I can't say I had terrible meal situations growing up, so I can't blame anything on that. but I do think about how WOULD I be supportive of someone who was trying to make eating changes but who was still in very difficult, unsupportive circumstances? Especially if she was truly poor? Because I always think, if the solution has to cost a lot of money and time, if it can't be used by almost anyone, it's not the solution.
Very nice to meet you!
Martha McKinnon
Thanks for your thoughts!! I agree, everyone has to find their own solution and it has to work in terms of money, time and practicality!